To be 25

As I sit here in bed waiting for my little 16 month old to wake up (it's 8am!!). I can't help and reflect on what it means to be 25. What it means to most women my age to be 25!
I keep thinking wow I have done a lot in my life! Trusted in God a lot in my life. I graduated high school (the first out of all my siblings with out getting a GED.) I went to college. I went on a 3 week study abroad to Turkey and Greece.
I got married to my best friend!
I graduated college with an associates (by faith that I wasn't giving up, but just trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I grew up.)
I got an awesome job that showed me a skill I never thought I had. then got offered an even better job due to that skill.
I had the most precious little girl who I currently stay home with.
To most this doesn't seem like the dream life. And for some that's ok. Because in this great big world we need women to be who they want to be. Weather that's having a career or working on cars. Or if that means being a mother or promoting world peace. We are all needed in this world, we as women have a very unique place in this world. The world can not continue to grow with out us! We are essential in the plan of life!
So on this day that I turned 25 I appreciate all that I have done even if it wasn't typical or maybe not that excited to some. I can tell you these years have been filled with more joy, laughter, hugs and kisses, then tears and hardships. I think I will take this life everytime because it truly has been amazing and I have loved every minute of it!

Normal

I have realized I hate the word normal when it comes to something that you are going through. As we go through life we have experiences, some of us experience things sooner then we should and other maybe later then they should. However none the less it's the journey of life. But when someone expresses concern, challenge, frustration, any manner of emotion we like to say "That's Normal".
But as we say it we push that person's emotion to the side as if it's no big deal. That we should accept emotion, trial, hardship in our life and try to move on.
But again why do we do that!? Why do we push our emotions and other people's emotions to the side. Is it fear, is it not wanting to feel uncomfortable, or is it we don't want to deal with the emotion that we are feeling at that state in life?
As a women I am told to be strong, to keep myself in check, and to not share my true self because of what people might think. But how damaging is that to a women? To someone who has emotional changes in her body and mind everyday.
As a new mom you hear that's normal, that's normal, that's normal. Sometimes it reassuring, but other times is frustrating. I know this is normal  because you have been there, but for the past 20 something years being a mother wasn't normal? Having a baby wasn't  normal? And why is it not ok for me to processes this, or to experience my emotional struggles. It doesn't mean I don't love my baby or I don't want to give her the best life possible, or that I love her any less. This isn't about her, this is about me, about how I feel and it's not Normal!

When we have mental struggles after becoming a new mom, we are told that its normal. But when we realize it's more then Baby Blues (a real condition after having a baby). We tell the mother, your overwhelmed, it's a baby, "it's normal". But again I have new hormones in my body, I have a baby attached to my breast all day, nothing about my body is normal or feels NORMAL. As I go through this new day to day life. I feel like it will never end, but it does I begin to sleep again and start to gain my path into motherhood. However as I find myself still struggling mentally I realize it's not NORMAL. I realize I probably need therapy to deal with my thoughts and emotions. But I hesitate, I don't want people to think I'm crazy or uncapable of taking care of my baby. I don't want people to see this struggle I'm having at this moment and that's all they remember! So I hide it, I play it off, I think it will pass. But it becomes more intrusive these thoughts, emotions, fears, and so on. Why did I need to suffer that why did I need to put myself through that in fear of what people might think? If people do think that shame on them! Surround yourself with people that actually care about you!

Now does that make me weak? Does that make me seem like an unfit mother? Does that make me any less spiritually strong?
NO by accepting and realizing something might not be right, you are being healthy you are realizing you can be better and do better. By sharing your struggles and accomplishments it makes you human, it makes you Brave, and it makes you help other women dealing with the same issues at the same time!

However if you do think differently of me, I hope it's in a greater way. I hope that you look around and realize your not a lone. Those sleepless night, late night feedings, never endless diaper changes, and all the things that come with motherhood is a journey.
This journey is about you and what type of mother you want to be, what type of women in society you want to be. So let's stop making excuses, beating around the Bush, telling every new mom that's Normal so get it together! You have the right to be a first time, second time, or even third time mom. Every step of life brings challenges, some to expect and some we don't.
So I'm going to say the word that freaks so many people out Mental Illness! It's serious and it's really!

Just now they are starting to study this specifcally to pregnancy and postpartom!
"researchers are currently studying the special problems of treatment for serious mental illness during pregnancy and the postpartum period.
The mental disorders affecting women include the following:
Anxiety Disorders, including OCD, panic, PTSD, social phobia, and generalized anxiety disorders." And so many more!!
Mental illness will affect 1 in every 4th person. Sometime in their life!
About 10% to 15% of women are affected by Baby Blue, postpartum depression, and so on. It can come right after the baby or a year later. Symptoms can last a few weeks, months, or even years.
So why, why when we hear, mental illness, depression, anxiety, and so forth do we look the other way. Or think this will pass, you will figure it out! For some it might be true. For others it's not, as spouses and families we need to educate ourselves more on these new situations. Learn more about these conditions. We need to be able to encourage and uplift those around us!
For some this maybe Normal but for me it is not! I just want to live a more healthy life, free of limitation that hold me back from being the person, women and mother I want to be.
I hope as family, friends, follower, viewer you see that I'm human, I'm a damn good wife and mother and I love my daughter to the moon and back! But to do that I need to take care of myself whatever that means I need to do. I want to share with you my accomplishments but also hardships that shape me and help me to reach those accomplishments.
I have posted links below of some of the information I used in this post. Learn more about Postpartum Depression, and other research being done to help women all over the world adapt to being a mother.

https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2005/December2005/docs/01features_02.htm

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/women-and-mental-health/index.shtml

ONE

So I was at a BBQ with some friends last night. When we started talking about what we wish we would have known before giving birth. We talked about how your emotions are pretty high, how sleep deprived you are, and to give yourself some slack. I started thinking yes that is very true!
I was lucky enough to have my mother in law with me the first three months and she told me it takes a year to start feeling like  yourself again. So I was trained/ learned the hard way, it's true! It take ONE full year for your body to completely recover from caring a child for 9 + months, giving birth,  then breast feeding, healing, and the emotional ups and downs of caring for a baby. L just turned one last month and I can tell you these past couple of weeks have been amazing!
I feel more and more like a new version of myself. I have began to love my body, fit into my prepregnancy jeans (this past saturday!) And found myself as a mother.
Of course things are not perfect, I will never have the body I had before I had my little L! But that's OK and it's OK to give yourself that one year to recover! Enjoy the moments know that we are all feeling the same way or have been there!
Shanel

Mother's Day

As I think about Mother's Day and what it means to me, I start to think about all the women in my life that are huge examples to me.  However I do not want to talk about that, I want to talk about the one women you brought me into this world, and raised me to be the person I am today.
As a mother you sacrifice your body, mind, time, privacy, quiet time, and so much more. All in hopes that some how you will raise this little person to be a good person and able to take care of themselves.
Well I think when it came to me I am sure my mom had no idea what to do with me. I mean I was that little toddler at a restaurant who would just scream... for no reason... I had brother way older then me but some how at a young age was able to beat them up. I needed a lot of attention and a lot of time.
No matter what I did or how much of a stinker I was, my mom loved me. She never blamed me for anything and always sacrificed anything for me! She made sure I was able to take 6-8 hours of dance classes during the week as I was young. Made sure I had everything to start school and be the very best I could at whatever I did. She pushed me and taught me to strive for whatever I wanted to do. When I wanted to have parties at our house, she was game and made so much food. She taught me to never settle for anything or anyone! My mom was there for me, loved me, and would do anything for me!
Now she may feel that now I don't need her or that I have forgotten about her. However I have not! I think about my mom everyday and pray that she will be guided and blessed! That Heavenly Father watches over her and protects her. Because in reality I wouldn't know what to do with out her! Who would I Facetime in the middle of day when Lilly is bored and is tired of listening to me! You are the person who knows me best and knows just what I need!
I want to thank you for all you have done for me and all you continue to do for me! You are one in a million mom and how grateful I am for you! Happy Mothers Day!
Love
Shanel