39 Weeks & One Day

I really don't know what to write at this moment. I have a lot of thoughts about this week. I mean I'm about to be a mother of two girls. I will say I have people all the time ask me how I am doing, probably because they know how hard the last week is, and also they know about the struggles I had after L's birth. I have really been doing great for the most part. I haven't had an anxiety attack for probably three months, which has kind of been surprising. However I have really felt peace and really tried not to focus on"what could happen". I have also reassured myself that I am in charge and will state to the nurse and doctors if anything seems to be wrong or not right. I really just want my baby, I really hate being pregnant. I always tell people I would rather a new born then being pregnant and they think I'm crazy. But even Robbie feels the same way (and he isn't even the one pregnant). We know what is to come, sure its tiring and hard, throw in a soon to be two year old girl and I can see the struggles we will have. However being pregnant I feel so limited, tired, and achy. I just want to start the healing process.
I think most of all I just want to meet her, I want to see who this little person is and learn all about her. I want L to meet the "baby" we are always talking about. I want to hear L say "she's cute" in her little two year old voice. I want to see the look in Robbie's eyes when he holds his new baby girl, like he did when he held L for the first time. These moments are so precious and very uplifting. I mean I was prompted when L was only three months old that there was another little girl waiting to come down to be a part of our family. Robbie and I worked so hard for 13 to 14 months to be ready for that. We both had to mentally be ready for this whole process and it took us a while to get there.
Now here we are hopefully the last week of pregnancy (hopefully last day ;) ). Doctor say I am dilated between a one or two but no active labor, which is mind blowing because with L I was dilated at a one and in active labor and within three hours I was dilated to a four and thought I was dying and yelling for an epidural... (Pain and I don't mix). You just never know, no matter how prepared you are or how much you have planned for. Things are different, babies are different and pregnancy's are different. All I can do is wait and pray for guidance to know what to do. Here's to the last stretch......................