Normal

I have realized I hate the word normal when it comes to something that you are going through. As we go through life we have experiences, some of us experience things sooner then we should and other maybe later then they should. However none the less it's the journey of life. But when someone expresses concern, challenge, frustration, any manner of emotion we like to say "That's Normal".
But as we say it we push that person's emotion to the side as if it's no big deal. That we should accept emotion, trial, hardship in our life and try to move on.
But again why do we do that!? Why do we push our emotions and other people's emotions to the side. Is it fear, is it not wanting to feel uncomfortable, or is it we don't want to deal with the emotion that we are feeling at that state in life?
As a women I am told to be strong, to keep myself in check, and to not share my true self because of what people might think. But how damaging is that to a women? To someone who has emotional changes in her body and mind everyday.
As a new mom you hear that's normal, that's normal, that's normal. Sometimes it reassuring, but other times is frustrating. I know this is normal  because you have been there, but for the past 20 something years being a mother wasn't normal? Having a baby wasn't  normal? And why is it not ok for me to processes this, or to experience my emotional struggles. It doesn't mean I don't love my baby or I don't want to give her the best life possible, or that I love her any less. This isn't about her, this is about me, about how I feel and it's not Normal!

When we have mental struggles after becoming a new mom, we are told that its normal. But when we realize it's more then Baby Blues (a real condition after having a baby). We tell the mother, your overwhelmed, it's a baby, "it's normal". But again I have new hormones in my body, I have a baby attached to my breast all day, nothing about my body is normal or feels NORMAL. As I go through this new day to day life. I feel like it will never end, but it does I begin to sleep again and start to gain my path into motherhood. However as I find myself still struggling mentally I realize it's not NORMAL. I realize I probably need therapy to deal with my thoughts and emotions. But I hesitate, I don't want people to think I'm crazy or uncapable of taking care of my baby. I don't want people to see this struggle I'm having at this moment and that's all they remember! So I hide it, I play it off, I think it will pass. But it becomes more intrusive these thoughts, emotions, fears, and so on. Why did I need to suffer that why did I need to put myself through that in fear of what people might think? If people do think that shame on them! Surround yourself with people that actually care about you!

Now does that make me weak? Does that make me seem like an unfit mother? Does that make me any less spiritually strong?
NO by accepting and realizing something might not be right, you are being healthy you are realizing you can be better and do better. By sharing your struggles and accomplishments it makes you human, it makes you Brave, and it makes you help other women dealing with the same issues at the same time!

However if you do think differently of me, I hope it's in a greater way. I hope that you look around and realize your not a lone. Those sleepless night, late night feedings, never endless diaper changes, and all the things that come with motherhood is a journey.
This journey is about you and what type of mother you want to be, what type of women in society you want to be. So let's stop making excuses, beating around the Bush, telling every new mom that's Normal so get it together! You have the right to be a first time, second time, or even third time mom. Every step of life brings challenges, some to expect and some we don't.
So I'm going to say the word that freaks so many people out Mental Illness! It's serious and it's really!

Just now they are starting to study this specifcally to pregnancy and postpartom!
"researchers are currently studying the special problems of treatment for serious mental illness during pregnancy and the postpartum period.
The mental disorders affecting women include the following:
Anxiety Disorders, including OCD, panic, PTSD, social phobia, and generalized anxiety disorders." And so many more!!
Mental illness will affect 1 in every 4th person. Sometime in their life!
About 10% to 15% of women are affected by Baby Blue, postpartum depression, and so on. It can come right after the baby or a year later. Symptoms can last a few weeks, months, or even years.
So why, why when we hear, mental illness, depression, anxiety, and so forth do we look the other way. Or think this will pass, you will figure it out! For some it might be true. For others it's not, as spouses and families we need to educate ourselves more on these new situations. Learn more about these conditions. We need to be able to encourage and uplift those around us!
For some this maybe Normal but for me it is not! I just want to live a more healthy life, free of limitation that hold me back from being the person, women and mother I want to be.
I hope as family, friends, follower, viewer you see that I'm human, I'm a damn good wife and mother and I love my daughter to the moon and back! But to do that I need to take care of myself whatever that means I need to do. I want to share with you my accomplishments but also hardships that shape me and help me to reach those accomplishments.
I have posted links below of some of the information I used in this post. Learn more about Postpartum Depression, and other research being done to help women all over the world adapt to being a mother.

https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2005/December2005/docs/01features_02.htm

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/women-and-mental-health/index.shtml

ONE

So I was at a BBQ with some friends last night. When we started talking about what we wish we would have known before giving birth. We talked about how your emotions are pretty high, how sleep deprived you are, and to give yourself some slack. I started thinking yes that is very true!
I was lucky enough to have my mother in law with me the first three months and she told me it takes a year to start feeling like  yourself again. So I was trained/ learned the hard way, it's true! It take ONE full year for your body to completely recover from caring a child for 9 + months, giving birth,  then breast feeding, healing, and the emotional ups and downs of caring for a baby. L just turned one last month and I can tell you these past couple of weeks have been amazing!
I feel more and more like a new version of myself. I have began to love my body, fit into my prepregnancy jeans (this past saturday!) And found myself as a mother.
Of course things are not perfect, I will never have the body I had before I had my little L! But that's OK and it's OK to give yourself that one year to recover! Enjoy the moments know that we are all feeling the same way or have been there!
Shanel

Mother's Day

As I think about Mother's Day and what it means to me, I start to think about all the women in my life that are huge examples to me.  However I do not want to talk about that, I want to talk about the one women you brought me into this world, and raised me to be the person I am today.
As a mother you sacrifice your body, mind, time, privacy, quiet time, and so much more. All in hopes that some how you will raise this little person to be a good person and able to take care of themselves.
Well I think when it came to me I am sure my mom had no idea what to do with me. I mean I was that little toddler at a restaurant who would just scream... for no reason... I had brother way older then me but some how at a young age was able to beat them up. I needed a lot of attention and a lot of time.
No matter what I did or how much of a stinker I was, my mom loved me. She never blamed me for anything and always sacrificed anything for me! She made sure I was able to take 6-8 hours of dance classes during the week as I was young. Made sure I had everything to start school and be the very best I could at whatever I did. She pushed me and taught me to strive for whatever I wanted to do. When I wanted to have parties at our house, she was game and made so much food. She taught me to never settle for anything or anyone! My mom was there for me, loved me, and would do anything for me!
Now she may feel that now I don't need her or that I have forgotten about her. However I have not! I think about my mom everyday and pray that she will be guided and blessed! That Heavenly Father watches over her and protects her. Because in reality I wouldn't know what to do with out her! Who would I Facetime in the middle of day when Lilly is bored and is tired of listening to me! You are the person who knows me best and knows just what I need!
I want to thank you for all you have done for me and all you continue to do for me! You are one in a million mom and how grateful I am for you! Happy Mothers Day!
Love
Shanel

The Meaning of Love

So today I feel a weird NEW sense of love for Miss. Lilly and my husband Robbie. I think maybe its because I have a sense of peace that everything is going to be ok, and that my Heavenly Father has a plan. My husband works extremely hard not only in school and working full time but also trying to get a job that he really wants. Lilly is healthy and strong, and I have been able to keep working while I am pregnant.

My pregnancy defiantly hasn't been a cake walk which many of you know. However I am grateful that Lilly is strong and healthy even if it means I suffer physically and mentally for 9 months straight.
I think it is funny how as women, most of us have children but our perspectives are so different. Some  women LOVE being pregnant and find all the new things happening to their body amazing.

And to me, I find something new almost everyday that I am a little scared of haha. Pregnancy has always scared me, probably because you have no idea how your body is going to react. Once I realized that I was going to be sick, achy and frustrated most of this time. I kind of accepted it. Okay maybe some days I don't accept it however I have these moments of excitement and think about what Lilly is going to look like, if she is going to have hair (because I think babies look weird without hair), is she going to be like me or like Robbie, really who is she going to be?

Sooner then I know it, I will have her here and having those sleepless nights which I have no idea how I will do. But ladies you keep telling me you just adapt, its natural. Well we will see how natural my instincts are because sleep is pretty natural ;).

Last night was a pretty special moment, I was able to get dinner done and finish a little of Robbie's Valentine's Day gift. Then I went and picked Robbie up at work and we got to eat dinner together and then we played a game. It was just a relaxing night of just us two. Then it hit me to saver these moments because it soon will be three. I then just felt overwhelmed with love, seriously an unconditional love for the man sitting right next to me. I have moment like this almost everyday or at least once a week. Where Robbie surprises me with who he is, he shows me in such little ways of how great of a person he is. His desire for fairness, truth and right, hard work, unconditional love, forgiveness, and even the things that frustrate him, I fall in love with. I have learned that our strengths and weaknesses make us individuals. I am not perfect and Robbie is not perfect but I feel that our love for each other is perfect because it is ever changing and we realize we are both not perfect. We learn, and we grow together and I wouldn't change that for anything.

I just feel grateful to have someone as understanding as Robbie Talbert he makes life way more fun and I am grateful for Lilly to have such an amazing man as a father. Just hearing Robbie pray for her and me melts my heart, or when he comes home and rubs my belly to say hi to Lilly, or when he tries to catch her kicking and hitting me. You just don't think your capacity to love could grow any more then it has but it does and I think it helps me to have a small glimpse of how much our Heavenly Father loves each and everyone of us.

Well I hope you all have a

Happy Valentine's Day

Lilly Sage

So I am sure you all want to hear about Little Miss Lilly even though she is not even born yet.

So let me start off by saying Robbie and I new that we were going to plan on having children soon and we kind of go with the flow with everything so that is how this all started.
I usually take birth control for 6 months and then I go off of it. Its really my own theory and no scientific aspect behind it. I take the lowest dose there is on the market and I only have 4 day menstrual cycles. However I have horrendous cramps that run down to my toes all the way up my spin, so being on birth control helps a lot with that. However I have this fear that my body will get used to it or some how make me not be able to get pregnant haha. So needless to say the previous months were during this time.

When I am off birth control my cycle is always a little off, and I can remember talking to Robbie like would it be bad timing if I got pregnant? He thought about it for a second and then just said no because our main goal was to be graduated from College and by the time you have the baby I should be graduated. Well two months later I was pregnant!  So we weren't trying but if it happened we weren't apposed to it.

At first I actually had a burst of energy and was getting up and getting ready for work. Then about week 4 or 5 hit and I was so sick that I couldn't leave the house. I can remember crying to Robbie because I was so confused why does this have to be so hard. Doctors, friends, and family said it will pass just wait till your 2nd trimester.... Well I ended up getting dehydrated and had to go in for 2 IV'S, they put Zofran in it and I have never felt so good and so hungry at the same time. Well getting the IV in was a little messy because I have Whipple veins which are really small. So she tried my left arm but then it stopped dripping so then she had to do my right arm. My left arm started to bleed out a little and yeah I lost it, I started to dry heave and I warned the nurse I am going to throw up. I had two needles in my arms so I couldn't hold anything so she grabbed a pan and yeah you know what happened. After that she cleaned my arm up and then got the IV going on my right arm. I proudly took a nap as that was going on.

Well after all that drama I  was put on two different nausea medicines. Zofran during the day and Phenergan (not sure about spelling) at night. Wow did I feel better, I was actually able to eat and it felt great. Well after a month the doctor wanted me to start to see if my body could handle it with out the medicine and needless to say I got really sick again and would just sit on the floor at work and try to see if it would pass. However it didn't and I lost 4 pounds. So the doctor stated well some women have to be on nausea medicine till they deliver you might be one of them. I said as long as I can take something I should be fine! However this time I just take one either in the morning or at night so that is better.

I kind of always said I hope its a girl at least I would feel better about being sick. Nothing against boys but I feel I wouldn't be as sick if it was a boy and maybe I'm right because we are having a little girl and oh how I am so excited!

When we went to find out what we were having, Lilly was laying on her tummy and didn't want to move so she looked like she was kicking at the camera and finally the nurse said well there you go its a girl!!!!! I almost cried but I didn't! It was really cool to see her and how funny she likes to lay on her tummy because I am the same way.. And I defiantly don't like people poking me and moving me when I sleep.

So now we are preparing for Robbie to graduate in April, yep about 6 weeks before baby is due! We are hoping to move before she is born and Robbie will start a new job some where but we shall see! She already seems a little like her mom so she may be eager to come out but hopefully not to early!

We are planning on being pretty simple with this baby, I live in a place where there are many women having babies, many which are due right around me! What I have learned is that most of the stuff you spend lots of money on you use maybe once and then end up giving away. So we are planning on having things from our baby shower, a pack and play with a raised part, and a few clothes and diapers and such. But we just figure if we need something we will just go out and buy it. Plus trying to move with a bunch of things doesn't seem ideal. So these next five months will be pretty fun but we are excited for all the new adventures to come plus to leave Rexburg!

Taylor Swift

So if you can't tell this post will be about Taylor Swift. If you know me or are my family and you ask who is Shanel's favorite singer? I am pretty sure 99% of the time they would say Taylor Swift. I can honestly say that Taylor Swift has been an example to me since I was in high school. We could relate in so many ways and we weren't even real friends. But her songs touch young girls and  now even women in so many ways. Between not fitting in, crushes that never notice you, to horrible break ups, and even bullying. I have talked on my blog about women just letting go of their judgments and just living their life. But recently Taylor Swift has shown me again why she is one of my examples and that is from this article.

A young girl about to start high school was feeling judge and never good enough and reached out to Taylor Swift. Not only did she respond she reminded us that people will just be MEAN. That no matter what you do it will not change because it is people that are the problem not just kids like Taylor stated.

These children that are growing up now are learning from everyone around them, how to act, how to talk, and how to treat people. We are the problem a lot of the time, because we judge people for their dreams and for some reason get jealous when those around us are more talented or express their dreams. But why? Why do we do that?

Is it pride, jealousy or all of the above? Taylor reminded me today to look at myself and remind myself to NOT be the problem today. To be a better person today and to not let anyone crush my dreams no matter who they are.

Think about her new song "Shake it Off", she reminds us that no matter who we are we will be judged, we will be put down. But how we react to those critics is what really matters. Let go of those that have hurt you in the past or even today and be the person you want to be!

So yes I love Taylor Swift because even as a celebrity she is herself and no one else. That's what makes her a great a example in my eyes. Sure she dates a lot people but so did I, sure she talks about her break ups, and enemies but who doesn't. She just reminds us that she is human, makes mistakes and in the end puts the words right into our mouth that we wish we said at that moment in our lives!

So my challenge for those that just gave a judgment today is to look at yourself, how is that judgment helping those around you or the person you are judging?

My challenge to those that feel judged don't let their insecurities make you insecure! You are perfect in the eyes of God and talented in your own way. Do the things you want to do and let the "haters hate". And remember Taylor Swift has felt what you feel! So find a song that relates and just dance until you feel better! That's what I do ;)

Thoughts from a Relief Society President

 

So if you don't know what Relief Society is in the LDS church its a pretty amazing organization. Women of 18 years and older of the church are part of Relief Society. As sisters we grow together, help each other, and look after each other. That is the purpose of Relief Society! If you want to read more about it here is a link.



Well in my Ward I am the Relief Society President of a newly married student ward. My presidency and I are over 80-140 sisters! With that comes a lot of different circumstances, personalities, and back grounds! Its actually quiet amazing if you think about it. I have the privilege to help these ladies and be guided by the spirit to help them in any way.

I have seen a lot of amazing things happen  in this ward. I go to a ward that 85-95% members are active, and visiting teaching and home teaching is a lot higher then in most family wards. I have made a lot of friends and gotten to know more people then in any calling I have ever had.

One of the best things I take from my calling is the people that sit next to me during Relief Society! My first and second counselors and secretary. I have had two 1st counselors, three 2nd counselors, and have had the same secretary nice the very beginning, and its only been 10 months! I have been blessed with these sisters in my life. They have all taught me something different! Such as when to stand up for myself and the women around me. It is easy to sit on the side lines but as a leader in my ward I need to give my thoughts and opinions. I have learned how to see people more Christ like and to realize we all have some limitations in our life. I have learned the willingness to serve even when life becomes hard or things change in our life. I have learned to not take upon myself to much. I have learned that my calling is important but my husband is even more important. I and those around me need to be able to be with their families. To make meetings productive and not excessive or to long! To rely on these sisters to do their very best! I look up to these sisters because they have a strength or values that I struggle with. We help up lift each other and to make each other better. To see the women we are over not only as human but as sisters!

I feel I am so blessed to have this calling and not only learn a lot about myself but to learn about others as well. To feel the spirit guiding me to those that need me and I need them! The spirit continually guides me to do my very best! I love you all! I hope that ever sister will find a love for Relief Society as I have!