The Meaning of Love

So today I feel a weird NEW sense of love for Miss. Lilly and my husband Robbie. I think maybe its because I have a sense of peace that everything is going to be ok, and that my Heavenly Father has a plan. My husband works extremely hard not only in school and working full time but also trying to get a job that he really wants. Lilly is healthy and strong, and I have been able to keep working while I am pregnant.

My pregnancy defiantly hasn't been a cake walk which many of you know. However I am grateful that Lilly is strong and healthy even if it means I suffer physically and mentally for 9 months straight.
I think it is funny how as women, most of us have children but our perspectives are so different. Some  women LOVE being pregnant and find all the new things happening to their body amazing.

And to me, I find something new almost everyday that I am a little scared of haha. Pregnancy has always scared me, probably because you have no idea how your body is going to react. Once I realized that I was going to be sick, achy and frustrated most of this time. I kind of accepted it. Okay maybe some days I don't accept it however I have these moments of excitement and think about what Lilly is going to look like, if she is going to have hair (because I think babies look weird without hair), is she going to be like me or like Robbie, really who is she going to be?

Sooner then I know it, I will have her here and having those sleepless nights which I have no idea how I will do. But ladies you keep telling me you just adapt, its natural. Well we will see how natural my instincts are because sleep is pretty natural ;).

Last night was a pretty special moment, I was able to get dinner done and finish a little of Robbie's Valentine's Day gift. Then I went and picked Robbie up at work and we got to eat dinner together and then we played a game. It was just a relaxing night of just us two. Then it hit me to saver these moments because it soon will be three. I then just felt overwhelmed with love, seriously an unconditional love for the man sitting right next to me. I have moment like this almost everyday or at least once a week. Where Robbie surprises me with who he is, he shows me in such little ways of how great of a person he is. His desire for fairness, truth and right, hard work, unconditional love, forgiveness, and even the things that frustrate him, I fall in love with. I have learned that our strengths and weaknesses make us individuals. I am not perfect and Robbie is not perfect but I feel that our love for each other is perfect because it is ever changing and we realize we are both not perfect. We learn, and we grow together and I wouldn't change that for anything.

I just feel grateful to have someone as understanding as Robbie Talbert he makes life way more fun and I am grateful for Lilly to have such an amazing man as a father. Just hearing Robbie pray for her and me melts my heart, or when he comes home and rubs my belly to say hi to Lilly, or when he tries to catch her kicking and hitting me. You just don't think your capacity to love could grow any more then it has but it does and I think it helps me to have a small glimpse of how much our Heavenly Father loves each and everyone of us.

Well I hope you all have a

Happy Valentine's Day

Lilly Sage

So I am sure you all want to hear about Little Miss Lilly even though she is not even born yet.

So let me start off by saying Robbie and I new that we were going to plan on having children soon and we kind of go with the flow with everything so that is how this all started.
I usually take birth control for 6 months and then I go off of it. Its really my own theory and no scientific aspect behind it. I take the lowest dose there is on the market and I only have 4 day menstrual cycles. However I have horrendous cramps that run down to my toes all the way up my spin, so being on birth control helps a lot with that. However I have this fear that my body will get used to it or some how make me not be able to get pregnant haha. So needless to say the previous months were during this time.

When I am off birth control my cycle is always a little off, and I can remember talking to Robbie like would it be bad timing if I got pregnant? He thought about it for a second and then just said no because our main goal was to be graduated from College and by the time you have the baby I should be graduated. Well two months later I was pregnant!  So we weren't trying but if it happened we weren't apposed to it.

At first I actually had a burst of energy and was getting up and getting ready for work. Then about week 4 or 5 hit and I was so sick that I couldn't leave the house. I can remember crying to Robbie because I was so confused why does this have to be so hard. Doctors, friends, and family said it will pass just wait till your 2nd trimester.... Well I ended up getting dehydrated and had to go in for 2 IV'S, they put Zofran in it and I have never felt so good and so hungry at the same time. Well getting the IV in was a little messy because I have Whipple veins which are really small. So she tried my left arm but then it stopped dripping so then she had to do my right arm. My left arm started to bleed out a little and yeah I lost it, I started to dry heave and I warned the nurse I am going to throw up. I had two needles in my arms so I couldn't hold anything so she grabbed a pan and yeah you know what happened. After that she cleaned my arm up and then got the IV going on my right arm. I proudly took a nap as that was going on.

Well after all that drama I  was put on two different nausea medicines. Zofran during the day and Phenergan (not sure about spelling) at night. Wow did I feel better, I was actually able to eat and it felt great. Well after a month the doctor wanted me to start to see if my body could handle it with out the medicine and needless to say I got really sick again and would just sit on the floor at work and try to see if it would pass. However it didn't and I lost 4 pounds. So the doctor stated well some women have to be on nausea medicine till they deliver you might be one of them. I said as long as I can take something I should be fine! However this time I just take one either in the morning or at night so that is better.

I kind of always said I hope its a girl at least I would feel better about being sick. Nothing against boys but I feel I wouldn't be as sick if it was a boy and maybe I'm right because we are having a little girl and oh how I am so excited!

When we went to find out what we were having, Lilly was laying on her tummy and didn't want to move so she looked like she was kicking at the camera and finally the nurse said well there you go its a girl!!!!! I almost cried but I didn't! It was really cool to see her and how funny she likes to lay on her tummy because I am the same way.. And I defiantly don't like people poking me and moving me when I sleep.

So now we are preparing for Robbie to graduate in April, yep about 6 weeks before baby is due! We are hoping to move before she is born and Robbie will start a new job some where but we shall see! She already seems a little like her mom so she may be eager to come out but hopefully not to early!

We are planning on being pretty simple with this baby, I live in a place where there are many women having babies, many which are due right around me! What I have learned is that most of the stuff you spend lots of money on you use maybe once and then end up giving away. So we are planning on having things from our baby shower, a pack and play with a raised part, and a few clothes and diapers and such. But we just figure if we need something we will just go out and buy it. Plus trying to move with a bunch of things doesn't seem ideal. So these next five months will be pretty fun but we are excited for all the new adventures to come plus to leave Rexburg!