Baby #2

So maybe you want to know how baby #2 went? Or your just wondering how Im doing after baby #2. Well we will have to start from the beginning.
So on May 1 I went to the doctor. She said I was dilated between a 1 and 2 but I wasn't in active labor. I started talking to one of my besties Stacey and we decided that she would come up for a few days to help me and in case I went into labor. This was the one thing I was most worried about which was Lilly. We didn't want to mess with her schedule to much or take her away from her home if we were in the hospital. So luckily I had Stacey! She got to our house around 10pm that night. On May 2 at 4am  I started having contraction they were 3 to 5 minutes apart but after about 30-45min they began  to go 10min, 20min, then a couple hours. So I just slept. Robbie stayed home and worked from home just in case. And Stacey helped with kids and food. I contracted off and on all day. Then around 5pm they began to be more intense, long contraction and were in the right time frame 3 to 5min apart! So we got our last picture of a family of three and then headed to the hospital!

The drive was about 20min with little to no traffic just hard contraction and lots of breathing. I wanted to walk from the parking lot so Robbie parked. It felt better to walk then sit. I did have to stop a couple times because the contraction were so hard but we got there. Robbie made sure to take photos of this.

They got me into Triage. Checked me I was dilated between a 4 and 5. So I was admitted, the guy came in to do my IV but missed twice (which was so painful) so he called in our delivery nurse Sarah and she did it on the first try and it didn't really hurt. By now my contraction were super hard and I was having horrible back labor so I was screaming a lot... I really wanted my Epidural pronto. So Sarah got us to our delivery room. She realized I was in a lot of pain and she taught Robbie to push on my hips when I was contracting. That was an amazing pain release while we were waiting on my epidural. They needed to take blood and test it before I could get the epidural. However since this was my 2nd go around Sarah asked the Anesthesiologist if I could just get it since I didn't have any bad reactions last time. He came right in and got it going. The first time he went to put it in he hit a nerve (not on purpose) and I felt a shock go through my my right leg. I screamed really loud. So he took it out and re-adjusted and it went right in. He gave me a booster shot while the epidural was taking affect (I love those boosters!) So I just laid right down and relaxed. 

Robbie and I thought we had a while before this little miss was coming. The nurse started asking me questions especially about my past delivery. She reassured me that I would have a way better experience this time. I kept feeling pressure so I wasn't sure if I need to go to the bathroom. The nurse checked me and said I was dilated to a 6. They felt the baby and she was turned at a weird angle so they wanted to get her to straighten out. They had me roll over onto a bean bag to see if she would move. By now I'm really feeling pressure. So she checks me and says you are dilated to an 8 this baby is coming. So they called the doctor in and flipped me back around. She checked me and said yep she coming. So I started to push when I felt that pressure. They didn't rush me or try to force me to push. And at the very end they saw the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck so they had me stop pushing so they could cut it off. Trying to not push is probably the hardest thing to try and do. But they cut the cord and within a couple pushes she was out! I push for maybe 20 min and had the epidural in for maybe an hour or so.

They placed her right on my chest and it was amazing. I cried so hard because I got the moment I wanted last time. I felt so blessed and that Heavenly Father listened to all my prayers and knew all my fears. He helped me to have the right people. Sarah our delivery nurse stayed by my side and even stayed in our room after she moved us to the room we would stay in. I just felt like she cared and knew what I needed at that moment. Super grateful!

We named her Ruby and she is such a cuddly little baby. She really just wanted to sleep on my chest all the time. She passed all of her tests. And when they took her blood and the 24hr mark they gave her some Sucrose and a binky and she didn't even cry. I was so impressed and the nurse stated that a baby shouldn't  cry over these tests. The nurses helped me remember how to breast feed and get her to latch properly. Miss R has a shallow latch because she is smaller then L was. But hopefully we can over come that as she grows.

L came to meet baby sister and she loves her little sister and just wants to give her hugs and kisses. 

That was another worry of mine as well but even at 1 month she is still so in love with her sister.

My healing has gone a lot faster, and I didn't swell this time. I do have a lot of back pain due to my back labor. So hopefully after my 6 to 8 weeks I can start working through that. Trying not to over do it or vacuum......

My dad came into town that following Friday after R was born. It was really nice to have extra pair of hands around and to have someone just hold R or feed L.

Then Ls birthday was May 26 so we went down to Columbus for the long weekend to celebrate with friends and family. Carter the oldest Talbert Cousin turned 8 and chose to be baptized. That was a really big deal for me. Carter is such a great example for his siblings and for my girls. It was great to see L watch as her cousin was baptized! These are important moments I feel for my kids to watch.

Well later that day we had L's Frozen Summer Fever birthday party. We had some yummy mini cakes and pizza. All the kids got to play at the park and L enjoyed opening her presents!

Monday we headed back to Michigan and Tuesday Deborah came to be with us for 5 days! It was nice to have her here and helping and letting me take naps. Or even getting L in the morning so I could sleep in a little. She even took L to the pool which L really enjoyed.

So baby #2 hasn't been bad. I actually feel more calm probably because I have been through this before. I know I will sleep in again some day.  I also have so much support which is nice. But I really enjoy being a mother, I think it has made me a way better person.

39 Weeks & One Day

I really don't know what to write at this moment. I have a lot of thoughts about this week. I mean I'm about to be a mother of two girls. I will say I have people all the time ask me how I am doing, probably because they know how hard the last week is, and also they know about the struggles I had after L's birth. I have really been doing great for the most part. I haven't had an anxiety attack for probably three months, which has kind of been surprising. However I have really felt peace and really tried not to focus on"what could happen". I have also reassured myself that I am in charge and will state to the nurse and doctors if anything seems to be wrong or not right. I really just want my baby, I really hate being pregnant. I always tell people I would rather a new born then being pregnant and they think I'm crazy. But even Robbie feels the same way (and he isn't even the one pregnant). We know what is to come, sure its tiring and hard, throw in a soon to be two year old girl and I can see the struggles we will have. However being pregnant I feel so limited, tired, and achy. I just want to start the healing process.
I think most of all I just want to meet her, I want to see who this little person is and learn all about her. I want L to meet the "baby" we are always talking about. I want to hear L say "she's cute" in her little two year old voice. I want to see the look in Robbie's eyes when he holds his new baby girl, like he did when he held L for the first time. These moments are so precious and very uplifting. I mean I was prompted when L was only three months old that there was another little girl waiting to come down to be a part of our family. Robbie and I worked so hard for 13 to 14 months to be ready for that. We both had to mentally be ready for this whole process and it took us a while to get there.
Now here we are hopefully the last week of pregnancy (hopefully last day ;) ). Doctor say I am dilated between a one or two but no active labor, which is mind blowing because with L I was dilated at a one and in active labor and within three hours I was dilated to a four and thought I was dying and yelling for an epidural... (Pain and I don't mix). You just never know, no matter how prepared you are or how much you have planned for. Things are different, babies are different and pregnancy's are different. All I can do is wait and pray for guidance to know what to do. Here's to the last stretch......................

Being A Mom

I haven't talked about L or being pregnant this time very much. Probably because I have a toddler that I can barely keep up with, due to the lack of oxygen I have because of baby girl in my lungs all the time! However as L is taking her nap I was just thinking about her and really how amazing she is. Motherhood is such a world wind and I think a lot of the time I feel like I'm not doing enough or I'm not being the mom she needs. However these past couple month L has surprised me with her maturity and communication skills. In no way I can take full credit for that, she is the most independent child I know. Since she was born she has known what she wanted and I have tried to provide ways for her to learn how to get them.I also read so many books and articles on parenting. Then I talk with Robbie and then we adjust if need be.
Adjusting is something I have tried to take to heart as becoming a mom, because lets face it nothing on a daily bases is the same and no matter how much planning you have done, your baby has other plans in mind or even emotions.
I also like to say that I never thought I would be that  mom that is semi strict about naps or having an elaborate sleep set up for my child. But here you go. We have always feed and rocked L to sleep since she was a baby. She has never been a cuddlier and never wanted to sleep in our bed (I know your thinking what! why are you complaining) Even as a new born she preferred her bassinet over sleeping next to me, she hated being swaddled and never liked a sling wrap things that people swear by. So feeding/sleep time was that connection time for both Robbie and I.
Here is the thing, people swear not to do that, that they become dependent on it. But amazingly L has adjusted at each stage when she was ready. At nine months she decided she was done breast feeding, at 9 months she decided she didn't like bottles so we switched to a sippie cup. She crawled at around 6 months and she walked at 11 months. She never liked a binky as a baby so that wasn't an issue. Till her side and back teeth came in and then she wanted a binky to just chew on and play with. She does have a blanket that she is very much attached to and has to have it everywhere we go. She started on solids at around 4 to 5 months. She has slept through the night since she was 9 or 10 months old and sleeps till 7:30am-8am! She has always taken naps and if she doesn't its basically the worst day for everyone. Now I'm not saying this to brag or that I have the "perfect child" Because believe me she has her moments and days. We all get frustrated and we all get upset. I say this because I think we get wrapped up in what people say, what articles tell us to do, what books recommend and why. I mean its all great information and some or all of it is very helpful to us. But I think sometimes we have to trust our self. Trust our instincts or even try something that goes against what is "recommended". We are given these little humans because we are meant to be the best parent for them, to teach them the most important things in this life. We aren't perfect at it and we make mistakes but that's also good for our kids to see and understand.
With L I chose to feed her, her milk and then rock her to sleep. She also has black out curtains, a noise maker, a fan and sometimes a humidify going. We take almost all of that stuff with us when we travel!I know we are committed. However she sleeps through the night and doesn't get up at the crack of dawn. I will tell you, the last couple weeks she has had her milk while Robbie or I rock her and when she is done, she hands us her cup and then says "rib, rib" meaning crib. We lay her down and she goes to sleep. No fuss no tantrums. Putting pjs on is a whole other issue (I mean you would think we were hurting her ) but anyways. L has shown me that I know whats best for her, and by trusting myself and doing things that seem a little over kill I have truly enjoyed. I have enjoyed watching her fall asleep in my arms even with a growing belly and her soon to be baby sister kicking L. I have enjoyed watching her grow from my arms to my lap. I have heard special promptings as I just sat there and listened. In these moments I was prompted two weeks before L decided to stop breast feeding that I should cherish these moments because they weren't going to last. Little did I know how fast. Others have been to enjoy these single moments with her because it will never just be you and her again, which is good but remember, remember these moments.
L is my world right now, my first baby and the best little girl I could have asked for. but I owe everything to my Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. For showing me how to be her mom and how to love her in the best way, to teach her, and to grow with her. Babies are hard truly! But they teach us so many lessons in life and show us the true meaning of our Savior.
Sorry this is a little longer then I expected but I hope you enjoyed!
Shanel

Valentines Day

So if you dont know this I have always loved Valentines Day probably because of the colors but most of all because my dad never for got to remind, not only my mom but also my sister and I that he loved us. I woke up for 19 years to flowers in my room and a card telling me how proud he was and how much he loved me. My dad created an example of how I needed to be treated and he understood that one of my love languages was recieving gifts.
So after I got married Rob has taken over that role like a champ and is always spoiling me and making sure I feel loved. He does an amazing job at it and really thinks about the gift he is going to give me. However me on the other hand I really really struggle in this department. Many of my "awesome" gifts that I have tried to come up with either take a month longer to get here, broken when we recieved them, or just really werent as "awesome" as I thought. Rob would disagree and say he loves all my gifts but I think he is just being nice 😉.
On the other hand since September of last year we have been part of Jordan Page (funcheaporfree.com) BudgetBootcamp.com and have been paying off debt like crazy. We took a little break in November and bought somethings we both have really been wanting for a while. However now that it's the new year we have really been getting back into gear. We have some pretty hefty goals to meet by July. A new baby coming in May and a two year mark to be completly debt free! It might seem a little far fetch but when you really find a system that works, you sacrifice for a short time, and you start paying things off you really feel like you're accomplishing things.
So with that we took some advice from Jordan, where her and her husband switch off Valentines Day and their Anniversary! So I have Valentines Day and Rob had our Anniversary this year! Then next year we switch. We figured we would save money by one of us just spoiling the other. Believe me, I had some great plans, like a couples massge. However I have to be a least 8 months pregnant in order to get one at the spa I really wanted to go. So that was a bust. The Disney Lion King on Broadway is in Michigan right now but all the good seats are taken and I didnt want to risk $300 tickets (for both) to be a waste. I was feeling a little discouraged because I wanted to do my best! Seriously Rob deserves a great night with how hard he works, at work and at home. So I just started talking to him about things he wants to do. He said you know I really just want to go to the movies! I thought what!?? However he then said, since L was born we haven't gone to a movie theater. We used to do that a lot and I enjoyed it! So I got to work. I will let you know about how it goes later, since I still have a week and half!.
But heres another thought. Jordan Page the mommy blogger I talk about a lot. Was talking about the trips her and her husband were taking this year and how and why they can do it. She stated something that hit me hard and reminded me of our goals. They are in a place in there life where they are out of debt, savings in the bank, retirement is being saved, their business are making money. She said we are in "Phase 2" of budgeting. Which means they can save and plan for "expensive" trips. This point that I want to make is you have to scarifice so you can live your "dream life". So to have my dream life of traveling and being debt free. I have to just stick with some simpler dates. That way we can eventually plan for those more exciting trips! Being reminded of the big picture is sometimes what we need in life. When we are in the middle of our own struggles or hard goals it can be hard to think we will ever accomplish them. But when we have support and encouagement we can do it. And I have to remind myself that I put way more preasure on myself as an individual, wife and mother then anyone else. In reality I'm doing a pretty good job not perfect but none of us are. 

To be 25

As I sit here in bed waiting for my little 16 month old to wake up (it's 8am!!). I can't help and reflect on what it means to be 25. What it means to most women my age to be 25!
I keep thinking wow I have done a lot in my life! Trusted in God a lot in my life. I graduated high school (the first out of all my siblings with out getting a GED.) I went to college. I went on a 3 week study abroad to Turkey and Greece.
I got married to my best friend!
I graduated college with an associates (by faith that I wasn't giving up, but just trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I grew up.)
I got an awesome job that showed me a skill I never thought I had. then got offered an even better job due to that skill.
I had the most precious little girl who I currently stay home with.
To most this doesn't seem like the dream life. And for some that's ok. Because in this great big world we need women to be who they want to be. Weather that's having a career or working on cars. Or if that means being a mother or promoting world peace. We are all needed in this world, we as women have a very unique place in this world. The world can not continue to grow with out us! We are essential in the plan of life!
So on this day that I turned 25 I appreciate all that I have done even if it wasn't typical or maybe not that excited to some. I can tell you these years have been filled with more joy, laughter, hugs and kisses, then tears and hardships. I think I will take this life everytime because it truly has been amazing and I have loved every minute of it!

Normal

I have realized I hate the word normal when it comes to something that you are going through. As we go through life we have experiences, some of us experience things sooner then we should and other maybe later then they should. However none the less it's the journey of life. But when someone expresses concern, challenge, frustration, any manner of emotion we like to say "That's Normal".
But as we say it we push that person's emotion to the side as if it's no big deal. That we should accept emotion, trial, hardship in our life and try to move on.
But again why do we do that!? Why do we push our emotions and other people's emotions to the side. Is it fear, is it not wanting to feel uncomfortable, or is it we don't want to deal with the emotion that we are feeling at that state in life?
As a women I am told to be strong, to keep myself in check, and to not share my true self because of what people might think. But how damaging is that to a women? To someone who has emotional changes in her body and mind everyday.
As a new mom you hear that's normal, that's normal, that's normal. Sometimes it reassuring, but other times is frustrating. I know this is normal  because you have been there, but for the past 20 something years being a mother wasn't normal? Having a baby wasn't  normal? And why is it not ok for me to processes this, or to experience my emotional struggles. It doesn't mean I don't love my baby or I don't want to give her the best life possible, or that I love her any less. This isn't about her, this is about me, about how I feel and it's not Normal!

When we have mental struggles after becoming a new mom, we are told that its normal. But when we realize it's more then Baby Blues (a real condition after having a baby). We tell the mother, your overwhelmed, it's a baby, "it's normal". But again I have new hormones in my body, I have a baby attached to my breast all day, nothing about my body is normal or feels NORMAL. As I go through this new day to day life. I feel like it will never end, but it does I begin to sleep again and start to gain my path into motherhood. However as I find myself still struggling mentally I realize it's not NORMAL. I realize I probably need therapy to deal with my thoughts and emotions. But I hesitate, I don't want people to think I'm crazy or uncapable of taking care of my baby. I don't want people to see this struggle I'm having at this moment and that's all they remember! So I hide it, I play it off, I think it will pass. But it becomes more intrusive these thoughts, emotions, fears, and so on. Why did I need to suffer that why did I need to put myself through that in fear of what people might think? If people do think that shame on them! Surround yourself with people that actually care about you!

Now does that make me weak? Does that make me seem like an unfit mother? Does that make me any less spiritually strong?
NO by accepting and realizing something might not be right, you are being healthy you are realizing you can be better and do better. By sharing your struggles and accomplishments it makes you human, it makes you Brave, and it makes you help other women dealing with the same issues at the same time!

However if you do think differently of me, I hope it's in a greater way. I hope that you look around and realize your not a lone. Those sleepless night, late night feedings, never endless diaper changes, and all the things that come with motherhood is a journey.
This journey is about you and what type of mother you want to be, what type of women in society you want to be. So let's stop making excuses, beating around the Bush, telling every new mom that's Normal so get it together! You have the right to be a first time, second time, or even third time mom. Every step of life brings challenges, some to expect and some we don't.
So I'm going to say the word that freaks so many people out Mental Illness! It's serious and it's really!

Just now they are starting to study this specifcally to pregnancy and postpartom!
"researchers are currently studying the special problems of treatment for serious mental illness during pregnancy and the postpartum period.
The mental disorders affecting women include the following:
Anxiety Disorders, including OCD, panic, PTSD, social phobia, and generalized anxiety disorders." And so many more!!
Mental illness will affect 1 in every 4th person. Sometime in their life!
About 10% to 15% of women are affected by Baby Blue, postpartum depression, and so on. It can come right after the baby or a year later. Symptoms can last a few weeks, months, or even years.
So why, why when we hear, mental illness, depression, anxiety, and so forth do we look the other way. Or think this will pass, you will figure it out! For some it might be true. For others it's not, as spouses and families we need to educate ourselves more on these new situations. Learn more about these conditions. We need to be able to encourage and uplift those around us!
For some this maybe Normal but for me it is not! I just want to live a more healthy life, free of limitation that hold me back from being the person, women and mother I want to be.
I hope as family, friends, follower, viewer you see that I'm human, I'm a damn good wife and mother and I love my daughter to the moon and back! But to do that I need to take care of myself whatever that means I need to do. I want to share with you my accomplishments but also hardships that shape me and help me to reach those accomplishments.
I have posted links below of some of the information I used in this post. Learn more about Postpartum Depression, and other research being done to help women all over the world adapt to being a mother.

https://newsinhealth.nih.gov/2005/December2005/docs/01features_02.htm

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/women-and-mental-health/index.shtml

ONE

So I was at a BBQ with some friends last night. When we started talking about what we wish we would have known before giving birth. We talked about how your emotions are pretty high, how sleep deprived you are, and to give yourself some slack. I started thinking yes that is very true!
I was lucky enough to have my mother in law with me the first three months and she told me it takes a year to start feeling like  yourself again. So I was trained/ learned the hard way, it's true! It take ONE full year for your body to completely recover from caring a child for 9 + months, giving birth,  then breast feeding, healing, and the emotional ups and downs of caring for a baby. L just turned one last month and I can tell you these past couple of weeks have been amazing!
I feel more and more like a new version of myself. I have began to love my body, fit into my prepregnancy jeans (this past saturday!) And found myself as a mother.
Of course things are not perfect, I will never have the body I had before I had my little L! But that's OK and it's OK to give yourself that one year to recover! Enjoy the moments know that we are all feeling the same way or have been there!
Shanel